twosies

The 36 questions to fall in love, in three sets

The 36 questions to fall in love come from a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, where pairs took turns asking questions that grow more personal across three sets of 12. Sit together, read each one aloud, and let both people answer before moving on. Twosies plays all 36 here in the original order.

Twosies team ·

All 36 on one page

Set 1

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363–377.

How to play it as a couple

  1. 1. Sit facing each other with one phone and start the player. It begins at set 1, question 1.
  2. 2. Read each question aloud. Both of you answer it fully before going to the next one.
  3. 3. The player keeps the published order, set 1 to set 3. The sets build on each other, so take them as they come.

The full game is in the app

In Twosies you each play on your own phone, answers stay hidden until you have both answered, and a score keeps track of how well you know each other.

453 more in the app.

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Questions people ask

Do the 36 questions really make you fall in love?

Nobody can promise that. In Aron et al., 1997, pairs who spent about 45 minutes taking turns on these questions reported feeling closer to each other than pairs who made small talk for the same time. The study measured closeness, not love, so treat it as a very good conversation.

How long does it take to go through all 36 questions?

The original study gave pairs about 15 minutes per set, so plan on roughly 45 minutes in total. You don't need a timer. Let both people answer every question, and resist skipping ahead to set 3; the slow build is part of how it works.

Can couples use the 36 questions, or are they only for strangers?

The study paired strangers, but couples use them all the time. If you've been together a while, you'll know some answers already, which makes the ones you don't know stand out. Go gently with set 3, where the questions ask about regrets and things that are hard to say.

Who came up with the 36 questions?

Psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues published them in 1997 in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, in a paper titled "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness." They became widely known in 2015, after a New York Times Modern Love essay about trying them on a date.

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